Day 186: It's Not MY Decision

In this blog I am continuing with the belief that my external world has authority over me and why I have accepted and allowed this authority.  From the previous day, Day 185: Proving Myself to the World, I am working with the following writing:

"In my mind, I show myself that others around me - those who I see in positions of authority over me or those that actually have the physical ability to promote me and have influence on the direction of my living, must demonstrate a recognition of my work and my potential."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my external world has authority over me where I created this belief that the external world - my environment and the beings in it - decide who, what and where I am in the system, regardless of my consent.

I forgive myself that have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that because of this belief that my external world has authority over me, I am deliberately abdicating my ability to direct who, what, and where I am in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on my external world - the environment and the people in it - to always direct me - to tell me who to be, where to be, and what I could be.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to stand on my own and put in the time, the research, and the actual physical footwork to explore and expand my potential where I actually consider, put into physical action, and move myself to bring about what it is that would give me the greatest satisfaction with myself and the one life here on Earth that I have been given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the easy road - the road most traveled, the road most worn down, and the road that I can go into automation on and simply follow the other traffic - because I know this road, it's my comfort zone, it's predictable, it takes very little effort if any effort at all to navigate and when the traffic I'm following makes a mistake, I can blame the traffic, those that have traveled before me, or the one leading at the front of the traffic, for making my travel experience inconvenient or problematic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to control and force others to make decisions for me and within this, expect that they make my life satisfactory and enjoyable for me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I deliberately place my external world and the beings within it as an authority over me so that I do not have to do the work required to be my own authority nor do I have to take responsibility when something goes wrong, when something unexpected comes up, or I don't like the result of a decision or event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my external world and the beings in it when and as something comes up that I don't like - just because I wasn't a part of deciding or directing how something would go.  I say, "I would have done it this way ..." or "It should have gone this way ..." and say that it is 'their fault'.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to ask myself the question: Why have I done nothing?

I mean, if the beings and things happening in my external world are 'so wrong, so irresponsible, and so uncaring', why do I give any part of it authority over me?  Why would I NOT stand up, make a decision, commit myself to it, and create my own life for myself?

The bottom line: I have been lazy and I have not only programmed that laziness into me but I have also deliberately made the decision to continue to be lazy despite the MANY opportunities to change my ways because it's easy, it's safe, and it's the neutral zone.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I have given something or someone authority over me - as having the ability to direct, move, and change me without my consent - I stop, breath, and remind myself that I have actually given my full consent by my acceptance of external authority and my denial of self-responsibility, self-movement, and self-direction.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am expecting or attempt to force others to make a decision for me so that I do not have to, I stop, I breath, and I use the tools that I have available for making practical, common sense decisions for myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see something happening that I don't like or don't agree with and within this, trying to place blame on others because I was not a part of the decision process that lead to the event, I stop, breath, and ask myself, "Why have I done nothing to change this? What are some possible solutions if this were to come up again?"

I commit myself to STOP being lazy by not waiting for opportunities to come my way but to instead step out of my comfort zone and stop always taking the road most traveled.  I commit myself to allow myself to explore the world and see what I can do and to STOP limiting myself because I'm so set in my lazy ways.

I will continue next with how I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by my talents, skills, experiences, and the physical abilities that have developed.