Please don't leave me - I can change for you. I can be anything and anyone that you want.
It's a very cool thing to type out the statement above and to hear myself as I have existed as my mind, communicate with myself.
Self-Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how I have allowed my 'Please Don't Leave Me' character to direct me throughout my entire life because of my fear of loss, being left alone without another that I've come to depend on, and/or being rejected.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts where I tell myself that I am not good enough, do not have the right personality, that I am not pretty enough, or that I am lacking in some way as I am not enough because my wants/desires are not manifesting in a way that I had previously anticipated/expected. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn new behaviors, mannerisms, and expressions of myself that I see, within my mind, as being required to become 'enough'. I have compromised my self, time-and-time again and I continue to participate in thoughts that to act on these thoughts would continue to compromise/sell-out myself, my process, and my Journey To Life.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to clearly see nor understand the statement, "All humans want to change." When I heard this statement, I assumed that all humans want to change for the better - for the betterment of life but what I did not see or realize is that us humans, within and as our minds, want to change for a better self-interested experience of life. Change is a natural, normal function of ourselves and at the same time, we fear change ... Within this realization, I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see myself within my fear of change - I change from moment to moment, I denied this, and so I did not see me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress/avoid memories of myself as a young child when/where I experienced being rejected for who I was. Many adults threatened to leave me alone and told me that if I did not 'clean up my act' that they would abandon me, wish/threat/inflict physical harm/pain on me, leave me with people that did not love me where I would be 'worse off', take away/give away/break my toys, and/or isolate me. I learned very quickly that adults eventually carry through on their threats at the point of which they have 'had enough' and thus, I would have to change who I was to be accepted, loved, and/or a part of their lives. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame for who I was before I started thinking/judging/changing and further, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to judge myself and experience shame for who I have been through the years and who I have become.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express my shame of myself of not being enough or the 'right fit' by forcing my body into a state of depression where I hurt myself with judgements and conflicting positive and negative emotions, feelings, and memories to the point where I, as my body, weeps, moans, screams out, and cries. Because the pain is disruptive to my daily living and not acceptable/desirable to those around me, I suppress the depression and adopt an 'I'm Cool - I Got This Under Control' Character, recall any other character in my arsenal of personalities that will 'carry me through', and/or evolve myself into a newer, better version of my self to act out.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that how I communicate my fear of loss to myself as, "Please don't leave me - I can change for you. I can be anything and anyone that you want ..." is my mind and myself as how I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with/in, showing me how I function. I have accepted and allowed myself to express and live-out my multi-dimensional pre-programming as separate parts/realities of myself. It is when I stopped, observed, and investigated myself that I was able to see/hear myself and get a clearer understanding of my mind and my physical living connection.
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