Day 209: My 'I'm Missing Out' Character

I have been walking my Fear of Missing Out.  I have previously written two blogs on the point, Day 207: Fear of Missing Out and Day 208: No More Fear of Missing Out. If you are facing a similar point, I definitely suggest listening to Missing Out - Fears & Phobias on EQAFE.

In this blog, I am going deeper into understanding my Fear of Missing Out by dissecting the I Am Missing Out Character that I've created from and in support of this fear of missing out.  In the next blog, I will be writing self-forgiveness for what comes up in this self-investigation process.

THOUGHTS

• I never get to do what I want.  
• Others are holding me back from doing what I want.  
• Life is too short to be missing out on opportunities to experience certain things in life.  
• When I'm old, I will regret not doing everything that I had wanted to do in my life.  
• So many things to do and so many people to meet - and not enough time to do it in.  
• I just want to be able to do, see, and experience what others are.  
• I wonder what fun they are having with out me - what am I missing?
• I always miss everything.
• It's not fair that others can be there and doing those things while I can't.
• If I don't do this, someone else will get to experience it and I won't.

IMAGINATIONS

• Imagine myself stuck in the house doing nothing and being bored while my friends are laughing, talking, dancing, bonding, and having a good time.
• Imagine someone telling me that I cannot go and do something that I want to do.
• Imagine myself as an old person looking back at my life and experiencing deep regret and sadness for all of the things that I did not see, do, and/or experience for myself.
• Imagine my friends standing around together, looking for me, and asking each other, "Where's Carrie?" And then one answering, "Oh, she said she couldn't come." And then another rolling their eyes as if it was my choice to not be with them - like, I am happier without them than with them - which isn't true at all.  I imagine myself explaining this to them and them not believing me.
• Imagine myself as on the outside looking in.
• Imagine someone else enjoying what I saw was my experience that I was not able to experience myself.

BACKCHATS

• "I hate it that they are having fun without me. I bet they don't even notice that I'm not there."
• "It's THEIR fault that I cannot do what I want to be doing."
• "If it weren't for the fact that I have to work and support a family, I could do whatever I want."
• "My parents ruined any opportunities that I had as a child and teenager and now the responsibilities and commitments that I have had since then have been ruining my chance to have a fulfilling life."
• "My family holds me back from having fun and doing what I want."
• "My life has been wasted."
• "They think that I don't care."
• "They think that I'm making up excuses."
• "They don't understand that there's nothing I can do."
• "Well, if they don't believe me, then screw them."
• "That was MY experience.  I don't want them to have it if I can't. No fair."

REACTIONS
Boredom, disappointment, sadness, dissatisfaction, anger, annoyance, victimized, punished, stuck, sheltered, resigned, spiteful, worried, presumptuous, depressed, powerlessness, selfishness, jealousy.

PHYSICAL BEHAVIOR

• Slumped shoulders and sad face
• Frowning
• Clenched jaws

FEARS

• That I am going to die before I get to get the things that I want to do.
• That I am going to be left out and that I will feel sad and lonely.
• That people will stop asking me to do things with them and I will feel sad and lonely.
• That I will lose opportunities.
• That I will lose my friends.
• That I will die alone and no one will notice that I'm gone.
• That I will not be 'in the know' and/or missing out on information and experiences.
• That I will never know freedom like other people do.
• That I missed out on life and now it's almost too late for me.
• That someone else will have and enjoy something that should be mine but can't have.

CONSEQUENCES

• I have been in my mind worrying about the things that I want to do before I die instead of actually living and being satisfied with the things that I have done.
• I have been paranoid about being left out or not being asked to do things because the experience of being sad and lonely has been uncomfortable.
• I have often taken on too much, stayed out too long, put a lot of physical strain on my body and have made MANY decisions from a point of self-interest rather than considering everything and everyone equally.
• I have become a 'people pleaser' and have often said, "Yes," when the best answer would have been, "No", "I'm actually busy doing something else" or "We'll see."
• I have given in to peer pressure - been easily influenced by external sources.
• I have almost always experienced myself as a victim - and within this, focused on and accepted the problem instead of taking a step back and focusing on what's really important and going for it.
• I have had a negative relationship with time - as though it has power over me and is the enemy.
• I have seen others as competition and driven myself to 'get there' or get something before they do.
• I have not wanted to share.
• I have been focusing on my needs/wants/interests first instead of equally considering the needs/wants/interests of others and myself.

Seeing the character in-front of me, I realize that one of my main current issues I am dealing with and have not directed is me being married and having a family where I have connected 'being married' and 'having a family' to 'missing out'.   I see there are other points I have connected to 'missing out' that play-out in my daily life, though, for the moment, in the next blog, I will write self-forgiveness for the apparent points and see how things go from there.