Day 208: No More Fear of Missing Out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that I am missing out on certain things in my life to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that I'm missing out on certain things in my life to continually influence me from when I was a young child to my current time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea of missing out evolve into fear overtime - where, I have attached so many negative energetic memories, experiences, and emotions to the times when I have not been able to physically participate in the same activities of others, that I have become extremely uncomfortable and somewhat paranoid when I have thought about doing something that I am interested in doing and yet, for whatever reason, I can't or may not be able to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious, frustrated, disappointed, and angry when and as I see something that others are doing that I want to be doing to but I am not able, for whatever reason.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how when and as I want to do something that others are doing and in this wanting, imagine myself actually doing it, when I'm not able to live it out as I had planned, hoped, and/or imagined, I have become disappointed, frustrated, and angry.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my mind has been interpreting whatever I place into it as thoughts and imaginations as happening or already happened - so when I have not been able to actually physically live out what I have already lived out in my mind, I have produced a lot of conflict for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my history with my parents saying I could not do what other kids my age were doing, to mold me into an individual that is paranoid of not getting to do what others are doing.  And within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have become angry and blame everyone and everything that I see as holding me back from doing what I believe I should be doing - all the while, not seeing, realizing, nor understanding that it was me that has been coming up with the ideas of the things that I should or could be doing based on my interest and my beliefs that I must live out my interests in order to be fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must live out my interests - what looks fun, exciting, fascinating, and/or compelling - for me to have a full life.  And I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that if I do not participate in certain activities or have certain things in this life, that I will regret it - that I will be missing out and/or a part of me will be incomplete.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not hear myself when I say things to myself like 'I'm missing out ...' or 'I am incomplete' ... or 'I regret my life' ... because instead hearing the self-communication, I have been separating myself from it and projecting it onto my external environment and the people and things within and as it.  Had I not separated myself from what was going on with me, I would have heard something a bit differently in regards to my relationship with my mind as compared to the physical living.

To be continued.