Day 228: Damsel In Distress - Back To Self

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand as a point of comfort, security, consistency and strength for myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when/as getting to know others and forming a perception of who/what they are or have become, judge and then reject them and within this, not stand as an unconditional point of comfort, security, consistency and strength.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how my outer actions are a mirror reflection of my inner actions - and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when/as getting to know myself and forming perceptions about who/what I have become, to then judge and reject myself and from this starting point, to self-sabotage my ability to be comfortable with myself, secure, consistent, and strong.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I reject others and myself when seeing how our minds work and how we respond to/act out our mind patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cross my arms, turn my back, walk away, and to not come back when I see what's going on with others and the decisions they have made that I judge and disapprove of.  And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this behavior onto others - as if it's something they will do to me - fearing my own behavior and that others will do to me what I have done to them.  Instead of standing in another's shoes and seeing how it can effect others as it has myself, understanding, and seeing where I can support, I have attempted to separate myself from it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into being overwhelmed and self-pity when and as I have seen things about myself that look to big or too extensive for me to sort out and within this, telling myself that I have been defeated, broken, and that I am alone and becoming sad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I find myself becoming sad and having other negative emotional reactions to what's going on within and outside of me that seems to big or overwhelming, distract myself by focusing on activities from which I can get a positive energetic high - meanwhile, the issues do not get resolved or sorted and continue to accumulate.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to coerce others to do the same - to focus on the positive or what feels good in the face of the negative or what looks/feels shitty. And so, not supporting others to focus on sorting out the issue(s).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leave others, to never come come back, to hate, to stop caring, and to stop supporting as a quick fix for myself to not have to deal with the fears, judgments, thoughts, and insecurities that come up as I walk with others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand and be cool with myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a panic when/as things come up in my mind about the decisions I have made.  And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize panic and anxiety to assist me to see that I have been or likely will be repeating the same mind/behavior pattern again if I do not change - continuing on with doing/thinking things that aren't supportive and accumulating the turmoil as a result of the self-conflict.