Day 199: When A Friend Bullies Another Friend

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say nothing when and as I have seen or heard others being bullied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'laugh it off' when and as I see or hear someone bullying, being mean, and/or being deliberately spiteful with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that others will take responsibility for their bullying, mean, and/or deliberate spitefulness toward others - especially when I, in my mind, see the bully as respectable individual and essentially look up to them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I attempt to 'laugh off' things that I am uncomfortable with - like bullying and deliberate being mean and spiteful - to try and make myself okay with it. And within this, make myself okay with myself for not only the times that I have been the bully but also for all of the times that I was too fearful to step up and say something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to make myself okay with myself having bullied, harassed, been mean, and/or deliberately spiteful with others. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuse, justification and reason for my words and actions of 'but I don't like them' to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I have connected fear to respect - where I have been living out respect as fear and within this, allowed myself and others to be compromised because I fear losing the respect of the person that I respect.

I forgive myself that I have not given myself respect and instead attempted to give it to others - I have not seen,  realized, nor understood that until I give respect to myself, that any attempt that I make to give respect to others will be charged with nervousness, fear, and anxiety because I have not been standing AS respect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to make myself okay with the times that I have been bullied, harassed and/or been the target of someone's hatred, being spiteful and/or being mean. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself and believe that when I have been the target of another's hatred, spite, and anger that it's justifiable because of something I did, said, and/or there is something wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself and believe that something must be wrong with an individual or that they must have done something wrong in some way to deserve being bullied - especially if the bully is someone that I like, respect and/or have a positive relationship with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up for myself and others when and as there is bullying because I believe that there will be negative consequences or that me standing up and saying something will only make the situation worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my past experiences with bullies and angry individuals to influence how I direct myself now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my fear of being the target of another's hatred to be the starting point of how I direct myself when faced with a situation where there is bullying and deliberate spite and meanness going on.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for me not standing and saying something when I have been in a situation where someone is being a bully, being deliberately spiteful and being mean. Instead of looking for solutions to how such a situation could be handled, I have gone into self-victimization which has only perpetuated the problem and allowed for it's continued existence.

So within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continually bring up in my mind the times that I have not stood up and said something when I should have - where I have told myself that I should or could have done something but at the same time not ever actually coming to an agreement with myself about what I could do if or when it happens again.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to 'laugh it off' if and when someone is being bullied by when and as I experience being physical uncomfortable when seeing and/or hearing one individual being mean, nasty, and/or deliberately spiteful to another, I breath and stop myself from going into an automatic mind possession.  I remind myself of my commitment to not resist the uncomfortable moments that come up in life and direct myself to see what's coming up within me and apply self-forgiveness for what I'm seeing within/as me.  Here, I allow myself the physical time required to look at the best of assisting and supporting the bully as well as the person that is on the receiving end of their dislike, hatred, and/or anger.  Within this:

I commit myself to have an understanding and thus a standing of bullying and how to direct bullying in a way that is supportive for myself and others.

And I commit myself to be clear of reactions to dislike, hatred, anger and spitefulness so that I may effectively direct myself and others when in a bully experience.

To additionally support myself, I commit myself to establish self-respect so that I am not longer influenced by a fear of losing respect.

When and as I see that I am going into self-judgment because I see later that I could or should have done or said something that may have assisted with stopping a bully, I stop and breath.  I remind myself that change and living solutions take time, patience, and practice.  In these moments of self-judgment, instead of victimizing myself, I take note of what I may have been able to do to improve the situation and see if I can integrate what I find into my application.